What I’m Reading, March 4th

Lessons from the Land of Pork Scratchings Greg Gutfeld

How a Miserable Yank Discovers the Secret of Happiness in Britain

Fox News Red Eye host Greg Gutfeld is convinced Britons eat pork scratchings for the same reason they plan trips to Brighton for a Bank Holiday weekend – they know it’ll be a bitter disappointment, and ultimately bad for the health, but secretly love they opportunity to have a moan about something impersonal. And what could be better to moan about than how disgusting pork scratchings are, while polishing off another bag with that second pint?

That second pint is the reason Gutfeld makes his transformation from a driven, gym-honed New Yorker to a devil-may-care, flabby, honorary Brit. On his journey of self-discovery, or rather his slippery slope into slacker-hood, he discovers that happiness comes at the bottom of a pint of Guinness. Or at the bottom of a glass of rosé wine, as he prefers to drink.

Other aspects of British-ness are explored – usually through stories of his drunken experiences. He tells the story of drinking through a Bank Holiday weekend; later, he gets smashed at a Christmas party; then there’s the tale of how he passed out in an alcohol-induced stupor at Ascot. He describes the great British pub tradition of buying rounds, and his terror at encountering drunken women on a Hen Party. During the course of his book he becomes increasingly horrified at his expanding gut after months of pub crawls, late night take out and weekends spent robotically watching Big Brother; all a far-cry from his New York life of early morning workout sessions.

What makes the book so charming in its own way is following him falling in love with Britain and all its quirks. There are chapters devoted to mushy peas, and the strangest of all British brands, Irn Bru, along with the British sense of humour:
Kerin informs me that the Scots drink Irn-Bru to appear ‘posh’.
‘Having a beverage that is bright orange means you’re rich,” he tells me.
Sometimes I think Kerin tells me these things to see how stupid I am.

His irreverence for many of the ridiculous aspects of Britain makes it a worthwhile read. He covers ASBOs (‘every night there’s a TV show portraying ASBO earners as modern-day pirates’), foxhunting (‘And what are foxes anyway?… Basically, they’re just dogs with ASBOs’), and the peculiar brand of atheism rife in the UK (‘Stuff like Most Haunted… lead the way in spooky crap that strikes fear in grown men who laugh at people who go to church’).

The book is a bit longer than it needs to be, there’s more scatological humour than any adult needs to read, and it’s a bit repetitive at times – by his own estimation seventy to eight percent of his book takes place in a pub – but it’s his self-deprecating view of our country that makes it worth reading:
In England, a far smaller country than the US, I have grown simply by taking up more space. According to my calculations I am roughly five times the size I was in the US. And it feels pretty good.
There’s none of the supposed American arrogance; Gutfeld loves Britain, and it shows.

And I love Gutfeld because no one sticks up for the unicorns anymore.

To prove my love of unicorns, I shall post some links to Red Eye related websites (which will explain the unicorn thing):

http://www.foxnews.com/redeye/

http://www.dailygut.com/

http://activitypit.ning.com/